2022 Holiday guide by the Worlds Best Farter
After a year of virtual meetings and socially distant gatherings we have all let our guards down a bit. We have become comfortable with who we really are. Farts can fly but are they truly enjoyed? Are they even appreciated anymore? Now that it’s that time of year to gather with friends and family lets not hide our true self in the closet. Tis the season of giving so don’t hold back!
What happens though when we all come back together? Is it farting open season? Its almost the holiday season so here is a few farts for thought.
Turkey trots! Whether you’re running a 5K or running around the kitchen, turkey will do the job. There is something about this strange bird that can make your backside gobble gobble. Add the green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, and the pumpkin pie you’ve just supercharged your tummy for blast off. We all strive to do our best in life: improve our time on the 5K, cook the perfect bird, or become legends at the dinner table as the familys best farter.
Thanksgiving, football and farts go hand in hand. It’s basically the perfect recipe for a good time or some wild drama. If we are watching football we’re most likely drinking beer and if we’re drinking beer we are farting along with uncle Bill. Do you see the pattern here? I call this the “If you give uncle Bill a Beer, he is gonna blast some ass”. And if uncle Bill blasts some ass you’re gonna have a good time!
Farting is simply another bodily function. These days, it is safer than a sneeze or cough because if you let out a big fart, at least people don’t think you have COVID! Need a break from the dinner table? Maybe it’s time to do some crop dusting over by the kids table? They won’t care and will just make them laugh. Farting shows that you are a healthy human being so let it out. Think of a fart like a temporary vaccination and doing so will keep you and your family healthy knowing you still have a sense of humor. We’re after herd immunity here people.
We have been socially distant for too long. Farts have more benefit to humanity than you think. Everyone these days is too serious. Has the conversation turned to politics? Change the subject by commenting how much you like the cranberry sauce and then let it out of your can. Big farts in group setting bring out the best in us. Heading into the holidays let loose the joy of farting to your friends and family. Bring joy and laughter to the table. Dads and uncles, grandmas and Aunt Peggy too; make a child smile by giving a fart for all to enjoy. Make this the year you really remember.
